Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
