Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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