ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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