I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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