I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
