Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm like, not good at living.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
