I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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