I think I am morally bankrupt
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
