You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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