dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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