Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
