Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
