i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
