The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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