He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
