True but thats because hes a fetus.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
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