well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
