Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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