dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
