I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
