I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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