Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
