My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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