I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'd cum for enchiladas.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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