I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize