Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
