Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i believe in u and ur pee
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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