I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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