Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
