I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize