OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
