Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
