I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
try to milk me bitch
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