So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
