I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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