I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize