Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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