I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
