WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
