There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
