We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
