Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize