i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
