Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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