Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
At least life still wants to fuck me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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