You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize