"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
