I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
