I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
