Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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