you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She's just so happy...and so naked.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
