so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
