Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
