OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
