whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
