hotel room ftw
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
