A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
