dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
