I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
