We should be called the Road Head Warriors
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
