some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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