i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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