I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
