erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize