rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
