I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
