he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
