did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
