p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize