I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The beer is more important than you right now.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
