dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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