I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
