I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
