Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
