And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
