You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
