He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
