i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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