just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
