my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
