I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize