i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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