I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
