If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
