Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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