look no pants
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
