don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
