Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
