did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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