i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
