im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
