I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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