I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
