There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
