I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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