the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
