he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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