I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
