hell yes lets make some ravioli
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
