If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
