i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
